Wedding Wonders

Last week, I went to my friends' extraordinary wedding in Washington, DC. The couple is not from a traditionally orthodox background, and so the wedding was not traditionally orthodox. The couple is, however, very Jewishly aware and active. The groom, with whom I'm more closely acquainted, came to YU, and became very close with Rabbi Reichman, who came down to the wedding with us. The ceremonial part of the wedding was completely orthodox, and all of the YU guys who came down were the eidim and only men came up for the sheva brachot.
What was special about this wedding?
The wedding invitation was a purple-scroll that they got from India. It was beautiful, unique, and from what I gathered, rather inexpensive. The location was a historical synagogue, preserved for its wonderful architecture, and currently rented out by various private institutions as a disco club and also as a shul for Friday night services. The people attending the wedding were mostly from the Mid-West, as the couple both grew up in Iowa. Their friends were mostly not religiously observant at all, but they came to the ceremony with a wholesome open mindedness and respect for religion that you seldom find in New York.
The music was provided by a klezmer quintet, which was wonderful. It had a uniquely and authentic Jewish sound and feel, but it wasn't the blaring-in-your-ears that some other Jewish weddings I've been to have. The dancing lasted for a little while, and then the couple's friends made toasts for them. Now, while some might have said that that it a goyish (gentile) custom, I thought that it added so much to the substance of the wedding. The wedding is transformed from another identical reproduced color-by-number wedding that you've been to a hundred times (although this wedding was already quite unique). But it became much more personal when the friends and family got up to speak. The toasting and well-wishing only added to the celebration. It also allowed the bride and groom to spend time with one another during the wedding, which is unheard of, unfortunately, at many orthodox weddings, after the yichud (seclusion) room.
The YU chevra (group of friends) who came down for the wedding made the ceremony sections of the wedding fun. Two of the guys had guitars they were playing, one had a flute and I brought a bunch of percussion instruments that I played and passed around. The singing at the chassan's tisch (groom's gathering around a table before the wedding where documents are signed) was fun, and one friend with a guitar brought his guitar with him under the chuppa for the last bracha of the sheva brachot, to share the singing with everyone. The groom spoke beautifully and genuinely at the chassan's tisch, where he spoke about the specialness of the date on the Jewish calendar. He gave a blessing that G-d's love for the Jewish people should be as strong as the love that he feels for his bride today. This was a very real blessing, and it brought home the image of G-d being compared to a bride-groom and a lover of Israel.
I think that what I liked so much about this wedding was that it created a balance between traditionally Jewish and Halakhic considerations with a spirit of individuality that allowed the wedding to have a unique flavor. Is it wrong of me to value that individuality? I don't really question my enchantment with it-- it is natural for a person raised in America in the modern world to appreciate individualism. In fact, I would argue that most, if not all Jewish weddings today, have a piece of this, with the schtick that people bring-- with the markered-up tee shirts they through over their expensive outfits, the signs that they make, and whatever little chachkas that people find to dance with before the bride and groom. These are all efforts to accomplish this same goal of appreciating the couple as unique individuals. I would hope and expect that at my wedding, people would not be dancing merely because it is a mitzvah, or because that is what is done at a wedding, but also because they might be genuinely gladdened by my simcha, and need to express that outpouring of happiness with me. This as a feature of a unique relationship that I have with the person, and perhaps that she has with us as a couple.
I am not saying that everyone should have a wedding that looked like my friends-- that is precisely not the point that I want to make here. I do think, however, that individuals who get married ought not be afraid to do things differently that have a singular, distinctive quality such that it is not an extravagant cookie-cutter wedding, but shines as something that they can share with their friends and family, and with each other!