Kankan

A female, American, Modern-Orthodox Jewish Humanist's thoughts on the world.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Tisha Ba'av Thoughts: For these things I weep


I read today from Rabbi JB Soloveichik’s The Lord is Righteous in All His Ways about the kinnot 
that were written to remember the crusades. He describes the way the Jewish communities in 
Germany were shattered, and that all of the Torah scholarship that had been centered in Germany 
completely vanished. He talks about the miracle that Rashi performed , moving the center of 
Torah learning to France, which was not as devastated by the crusades, and thus he saved the 
Torah from utter annihilation.

In his discussion about the crusades, Rabbi Soloveichik also tells the story of communities that
 chose to commit suicide rather than convert. They would begin by killing the children, then each 
other and finally kill themselves in order to avoid the choice of convert or die. The possibility that 
they might be killed and then their children kidnapped and converted and raised as christians was 
so unacceptable to them that these parents took it upon themselves to kill their own children. 
I read this story with tears in my eyes, and pain in my heart. 

Image result for crusades against the Jews

Megillat Eicha, the Biblical book of Lamentations, also talks about parents killing their children. I read 
Eicha last night, and I am always horrified when I get to the verses about the women cooki
ng and 
eating their own (2:20, 4:10), as the poet uses this image to depict how horrifying their situation was. 
This is similar to the dehumanization that people describe during the Holocaust, or during 
 the siege of Leningrad in the soviet union in WWII. It’s basically maslow’s hierarchy of needs-- 
when people are starving, they are sometimes pushed beyond their human limits of ethics in order 
to survive, and will do things that are morally deplorable, like kill for a piece of bread. 

Image result for dehumanization of jews

However, there is this recurring theme of being pushed to a limit and then killing one’s own that requires 
more consideration. When we think about abortion, and the politics that surrounds the issue today, it 
strikes me that mothers frequently do not consider babies inside of them as other, separate beings from 
themselves. This changes to some extent when a baby is born, but not completely. The relationship that 
a baby has with her mother is one of total dependence, and so the situation changes only slightly when 
she exits the womb. Thus, it seems to me, that parents might still feel both responsibility as well as 
rights over the child’s life. This would explain why a woman starving desperately, would cook and 
eat her own before the neighbor’s child.

This story is one of tragedy, and everyone who reads about the destruction and the devastation that 
we mourn on the 9th of Av understands that it is only from sheer desperation that a woman would come 
to such a despicable conclusion. What troubles me today, though, is that the choice lies before every 
woman who is tasked with carrying a child today. Instead of understanding the great responsibility and 
the gift that is contained in a pregnancy, too many women today see the choice in front of them-- to kill 
the baby or to suffer the consequences. There is something so morally bankrupt in this choice. I am 
not saying there is never a circumstance in which terminating a pregnancy can be necessary. I am 
saying that it does not have to be a choice every woman with a positive pregnancy test should be 
faced with.

I recently watched a woman talk about her abortion story on youtube, and I think her story is all too 
common. At 19, she is biologically at her prime for childbearing. Her body so wants to get pregnant 
that despite the hormones she feeds it, the body finds a way to ovulate and to fertilize. Her baby is 
so young and helpless, it is what she calls a “ball of cells.”

This is a picture of a 6 week ultrasound.

This girl, like many in her situation, was on the pill, and had no plans to have a baby. The pregnancy was 
inconvenient, and didn’t fit into her plans to bike across Europe with her boyfriend, and make money and 
get older before she became a mom. Thus, even though she found herself as an adult, part of a 
consensual relationship, in a family with a real support system and with funds to travel freely, she opted to 
end what could have been a healthy pregnancy.

I feel for this girl, and I think that the fault is with a system that constantly places the choice before her. 
People criticize Ben Shapiro for his pro-life position, since he is a man. Here’s the thing: it seems to me 
that women might recuse themselves from the court of law that asks the question, is this baby separate 
from you? The same way these women should not be able to decide when the baby is born. We cannot 
separate the biological connection we have to these babies. The differentiation process is long in humans, 
and these days it can last into adulthood.

Imagine a baby kangaroo being born. It looks just like the 6 week-old fetus, and it miraculously comes out 
and climbs into its mother’s pouch, unassisted. It grows there for 9 months, and the it is ready to be born. 
Imagine a kangaroo momma birthing the tiny, unprotected egg of a baby and then throwing it in the garbage. 
It is against all of nature to fathom such a thing. I am not talking about the Mother kangaroo being able to live
 with itself as it grows older, or having to watch its friends go through pregnancy and motherhood while she 
watches enviously. I am saying there is something fundamental about a mother nurturing her young that when 
it doesn’t take place, a great injustice has taken place. As humans, we ought to have more compassion for 
our young, not less than the other mammals.

Out culture has taken Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and flipped it on its head. We so take for granted the 
ability to eat and to feel safe and part of a family that we throw away the gift of life in order to travel and 
make money. The society is broken, and the choice is morally bankrupt all too often. I’m not a politician, 
but it seems clear to me that something has to change.



Monday, March 28, 2016

Doing Good in the Eyes of God and Man: a Dvar Torah for Parashat Shmini

Following the dramatic death of Aaron’s sons Nadav and Avihu, after they brought “strange fire” in the tabernacle, we are privy in Leviticus 10:16-20 to an unusual exchange between Moses and Aaron.
After observing that a sin offering was being burnt up entirely, rather than being eaten by the priests, Moses is angry with the remaining sons of Aaron. Moses asks Aaron, “Why aren’t you eating the sin-offering in the holy place? It is the holiest of holies, and it is given to you, to carry the iniquity of the congregation, to atone for them before God. Here, the blood was not brought into the Sanctuary. You should have eaten [the sacrifice], like I commanded!”

Aaron responded to Moses, “On this day that they brought their sin offering and their elevation offering before God, and these things have happened to me- would it be good in God’s eyes if I were to eat the sin offering?”

Moses does not seem concerned with his brother and nephew’s grieving at this point in the narrative. He seems to be fully engaged in the ritual aspects of the sacrificial service. Perhaps he is worried that he will lose more Priests/ nephews if they continue to act outside of his (and by extension, God’s) instructions as to how and when sacrifices are to be brought. The language that the text used when Nadav and Avihu brought their fire was, “against God’s command,” and Moses here evokes that language—“you should have eaten it like I commanded!” The story Moses is telling about the service is that the Priests need to be more careful with the technical details, because mistakes in the service are serious, and cost people their lives.

Aaron, on the other hand, appears to take a more holistic view of the temple worship, and specifically, of this service before God, and his role in it in his current state. Aaron is the High Priest - the holiest of holies. Here, the task at hand is to eat the sin-offering, which Moses calls the holiest of holies. Aaron’s response to Moses’ rebuke is, in effect, that the priestly service is not purely formalistic, but rather that being the person who is meant to embody and consume so much sacredness requires a certain presence of mind and body that Aaron cannot manage in the immediate aftermath of the shocking death of his two sons.
    
As is often noted, Aaron was silent immediately following the death of his sons.  (Leviticus 10:3)  In Aaron’s subsequent exchange with Moses, we begin to imagine the inner suffering behind that silence. Aaron does not think he can perform his priestly functions -- to carry the iniquity of the congregation and to atone for their sins -- in his current state.  Nor does he think that God would look favorably upon any action he took while in this distressed state. 

In other words, his understanding of the priestly service and his role within it is not focused solely on ritual.  Rather, he understands that he must be emotionally present in order to function effectively as a vessel and a facilitator of change and divine forgiveness.

Although it was not Moses’ initial understanding,, upon hearing Aaron’s  position, Moses immediately relents:  “Moses heard this, and it was good in his eyes.” In fact, Aaron’s statement is codified into Jewish law by Maimonides as the source for mourning in the Torah. (Laws of Mourning 1:1)

Thus, in mourning, we consider what God would think of our service in our current state (whether he would find our performance of various mitzvot “good in his eyes”). There is an element of subjectivity, perhaps, in this form of worship. It does not have the convenience of a one-size-fits-all ritual. But its authenticity rings true.


May we all aspire to filling our lives with real, true worship, in which we are fully present, and may all our service to God be good in His eyes, and in the eyes of those around us.

       

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

A Comedy Routine in the Making

You might not know this if you’ve ever met me, but I hate being late. I am usually running late, and it stresses me out like crazy.

In Jerusalem, last year, I was at a Rami Levi grocery store, and in order to get the grocery cart, I needed to insert 10 shekel into the cart.

As I was finishing my shopping, I noticed that it was getting very late, and that I had to meet a plumber at the apartment in twenty minutes. I waited in the line at the kupa, as the cashier took her time, and then the person in front of me had to run and get something…I watched as these moments passed, getting more and more anxious about being late. Once I had checked out and brought all of my groceries into the car, I didn’t want to return the cart to the store and get my 10 shekel back, since I was already running late, and I didn’t have the three minutes it would take me to run the cart back, get the 10 shekel and then go back into the parking lot to get my car. There weren’t any other carts nearby that I could hook onto, so I gave up on getting my 10 shekel back and left the parking lot to go home.


Now, every time I go to the grocery store and I insert 10 shekel into the cart, a part of me has already said goodbye to that 10 shekel. So, after spending my hundreds of nis at the grocery store, I am forever pleased that I just made 10 shekel when I return my cart and retrieve my coin. Cha-ching!

Sunday, November 15, 2015

dvar torah for shishi bagolan this coming week

I stayed up late last night finishing this, and cutting it down to 600 words. I just found out I have half of that, in fact. So... I'm putting what I sent in last night here, and then I'll shave off some more for the public in the golan.


“Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept”

Jacob, while collecting general information from local shepherds, finds out that Laban’s daughter Rachel is on her way towards them. What happens next is one of the most striking and romantic passages from the Bible (Genesis 29:10-11),
After seeing Rachel, identified repeatedly as the daughter of Laban, his mother’s brother, Jacob performs an adrenaline-powered act of strength, kisses Rachel, and then Jacob raises his voice and weeps. What is behind this shocking first encounter of Jacob and Rachel? What is beneath this kiss? What makes Jacob wail here?
The Midrash Rabbah brings down three different kinds of kisses that have real substance and meaning: A kiss of greatness as when Samuel kissed Saul upon anointing him; a kiss of reunion as when Moses reunites with Aaron; and a kiss of distance as with Naomi’s farewell to Orpa. Rabbi Tanhuma adds a kiss of closeness: when Jacob kissed Rachel.
Although they had never met, Jacob knows Rachel already- as his cousin. He sees his mother in Rachel’s face. The mother who only days ago, dressed him in his brother’s clothes to trick his father into giving him his brother’s blessing. He sees his mother who favored him throughout his life. His mother, who just sent him away from home. Jacob is flooded with associations from home when he encounters Rachel.
It occurs to me that Jacob’s kiss here can be classified in each of the first three categories, as well as the kiss of closeness that Rabbi Tanhuma adds.
The kiss of greatness- acknowledging Rachel’s stature as a future mother of Israel, on a midrashic level. Psychologically speaking, we can imagine that Jacob kissed Rachel the way he would kiss his own mother out of respect.
The kiss of reunion, as Jacob imagines his mother, who provided him with food to eat and clothes to wear, even as he was tricking his father. (He also included in his oath to God that He must now provide him with food to eat and clothes to wear on his journey, for who will take care of him, without Rebecca?)
 A kiss of distance, we can understand on a midrashic level- because in explaining Jacob’s crying out, Rabbi Eliezer comments, that Jacob is mourning that he and Rachel will not be buried together. We can also understand the distance that Jacob feels from home, from his mother and from his father.
On the kiss of closeness: In addition to her beauty and her likeness to his mother, Jacob’s first encounter with Rachel reflects a parallelism between the two second-borns- and their struggles for worthiness. Jacob intuits their connection here, when he kisses Rachel. They both need to overcome the obstacles that their natural birth order have given them to achieve their goals, and nature presents further obstacles to Rachel with infertility.
Many English speakers in the Golan are far away from home and family, just as Jacob was. It is a comfort to know that our patriarchs also experienced challenging times, and to learn about how they managed missing home. May we find strength through our studying, and find courage to confront our challenges. May God help us to overcome any obstacles we encounter. Shabbat Shalom!

Friday, October 09, 2015

The Blessings of our Difficulties



Elisheva Schlanger
Parshat Breishit 2015
Carlebach Minyan, Teaneck

We just began a new year- the world is new.
The world is created in Breishit- so much potential.
God sees what He created, and He says that it is good. לשנה טובה was what we’ve all been wishing each other.

On the other hand…
-         A minute after man and woman are created, they eat from the tree.
-         At the same time that we asked for mechila from the people close to us, we continued in many of our bad patterns of disharmony.
-         The natural world during this time of year is not full of life, as we see in the spring—it is getting colder, and leaves are falling off the trees.

Solution:
1.     Yom kippur was the second set of luchot- engrained in the fabric of the New Year is the fall that came before it.
2.     So too, we see in Midrash Breishit Rabba that Hashem created many worlds before this one, and destroyed all of them, until He finally settled on the world we know.
3.     Goodness does not equal perfection. God has left us with a model that allows for us to fail and for us to constantly improve and work on ourselves.
We need not feel debilitated in our shame that we are still having so much trouble with people who are close to us. That we are struggling ourselves to hold it together. God has created and destroyed so many times.

“Interviewer: How much rewriting do you do?
Hemingway: It depends. I rewrote the ending of Farewell to Arms, the last page of it, 39 times before I was satisfied.
Interviewer: Was there some technical problem there? What was it that had stumped you?
Hemingway: Getting the words right.
— Ernest Hemingway, The Paris Review Interview, 1956”

Inherent in the struggles is the invitation for growth. The sin of eating from the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil made us like God, that we know how to make moral decisions and live in this world like God- which is, essentially, our job.

Leaning into the discomfort helps us to grow: to quote from Chaya Lester: “Every Mess is Messianic.” The sin of the golden calf brings us the thirteen attributes of mercy and Torah Shebaal Peh!

Feeling Good Together by David Burns: Conflict in relationships opens the door for understanding, humility and growth. We can welcome them, stare the demons in the face and see them through.

This is such a little known secret about the blessing of conflict.

John Lennon’s 75th birthday makes me think about The Beatles, and how I used to mourn the fact that they split up. But the truth is that their separation led to some wonderful new creations that they each went on to create independently of the other Beatles.

So let us start this new year with an understanding that it is good.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Song about the rental contracts here

We're moving to Katzrin in a week, and in honor of the third try on making a rental agreement work in Israel, I wrote these lyrics (with my husband's help) to the tune of  "all about the bass." Enjoy! 

Because you know,  I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks

You know it's pretty clear, that I don't trust you
But I can take 'em take 'em, like I'm supposed to do.
I've got that contract that all the landlords chase
And all the right clauses, in the right places

You see those new olim, wearing their dollar signs
You hear that ching, ching- that money's already mine
You get eleven checks, deposit and last month
And some blank ones for electric, water taxes and one for fun.

You know my lawyer, she told me, everything is going to be just fine
She said they want to live here, they'll sign on the bottom line
You know I won't be no fryer, so bring me your garanteurs
But if that's not what your into, what are you doing here on these shores?

Because you know,  I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks

I'll bring checks to the bank
That's how it's done here, don't have me to thank.
I'll fix stuff when I can,
But I'm here to tell you that this contract has me covered from the bottom to the top.

You know my lawyer, she told me, everything is going to be just fine
She said they want to live here, they'll sign on the bottom line
You know I won't be no fryer, so bring me your garanteurs
But if that's not what your into, what are you doing here on these shores?

Because you know,  I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks - post-dated
I'm all about those checks, about those checks.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

I'm on YouTube!

Shalom!

Please check out my new YouTube channel, where I've begun posting divrei Torah on the weekly Torah portion.

I've posted three so far: Beha'alotcha: God is Guiding Us 

Shelach: Reflections on our search for a place in Eretz Yisrael,  and Attitudes at Crossroads



Korach: Korach, Cain, Kabballa and Conflict




Enjoy!