I'm back

I haven't written here in a number of years. My life has changed in many ways since my last post, and while I have thought about coming back to blog many times, I never really thought I needed another forum- a different blog, in which I would better present myself. I stopped writing at a stage in my life when I felt like I needed to turn towards a more private sphere, and I find myself now in a place where I want to share my thoughts again with people. That said, I still feel a unity with the person who started this blog (me). I was single then, I am now married with two young children, with another on the way - God willing, due in March. I stopped writing as I was finished with college, and I have since been through several graduate programs and some work experiences, although I am currently not working outside of my home. But I am still me, and I think I will sound very much like myself, despite the passage of so much time. I am curious to hear if people see any kinds of fundamental change- aside from the obvious themes in my life being completely different-- or what connective tissue one might notice between my earlier blog and my current writing.

My thoughts tonight go out to a woman who posted (anonymously) on a natural parenting group on Facebook. She wrote that she had a baby three weeks ago, and that she is thinking she would like to try to get pregnant again. She wanted to know people's experiences about this, and thoughts. I read through 15 or 20 responses-- almost every single one of them completely negative. Some said it's not good for breastfeeding your baby, some said it won't let you bond with your baby, others argued you won't be able to take care of yourself while your losing sleep with a newborn. Several women wrote that the body needs more time to recover from one pregnancy and childbirth, although the science seems kind of iffy, since all of their recommended time-frames contradicted one another. Still other naysayers complained that the kids will be too difficult to raise, being so close together. Several people said that they had done it, and that it worked for them, but with little insight.

Mostly, I was struck by how negative and judgmental this response was to someone who has voiced interest in doing something. Parenting is such a personal issue, and while this partly gets to the core of the problem with anonymous posts on the internet where you bare personal issues to strangers instead of talking to your close friends about something, I think empathy needs to be more present in our responses to people. I ended up writing in that I knew a number of people who had children very close together, and power to them. I also wrote that I think for many women who want to have a big family and get started later in life, they have little choice but to be on this sort of a schedule. I recommended that she keep a strong support system to handle the challenges, and try to stay ahead of the game.

I think that my personal preference to space out my pregnancies a little bit more than this woman is thinking is just that- a personal preference based on a variety of reasons, and that I also have the freedom to do this because of my age and my support systems.

Now that I written this out, it's making me rethink my post. Perhaps she posted this question looking for the naysayers- she legitimately wanted to hear what people would say. Having a baby isn't something people should go into lightly, and why not hear the brutal downsides? And yet, I am stuck on the judgmental tone the responses held. I felt sorry for this woman- I felt she needed a friend to hold her hand and to nod her head and say "wow! you must love your baby so much, that you want another one already!" I don't know- something. Something human. Something kind. I think this is essential for any interaction a person has, especially with regards to personal issues like parenting. I just think its particularly lacking from the internet forums that I encounter. People forget that there are people on the other side of the screen-- real people with real feelings and real lives. Lets look out for that.