Disconnected

Two and a half weeks ago, I ended an eleven month relationship. Since then, I've been feeling disconnected. I felt very connected to one person, and this seemed to take over my whole self, such that I don't even feel ties to anyone or anything anymore. My family, my closest friends, my favorite books and music all seem strange to me. The self that once related to all these people no longer feels that she is the same self, but instead, a new, different self.
So in some ways, it isn't the family and friends who are the strangers, but instead it is me.
I've chosen to start a blog instead of just writing into my computer and leaving it there, because, I, like many writers poets and musicians need to be acknowledged by readers and listeners. So anyone who wants to comment on this blog, you will be doing a big mitzvah, giving me a reason to live-- something to which I can be connected.
Why the title? Kankan was the name I chose for my band, where I am the drummer, but my fellow band-members recently insisted we abandon for something else, still undecided. I feel it is my duty to preserve this name. Why Kankan? Kankan means vessel. The phrase from Pirkei Avot, Ethics of Our Fathers, "Al tistakel bikankan, ela b'ma sheyesh bo" means, to not examine the container, but rather what is in it. Basya Schechter once sang a song with these words at a Mima'amakim event, and I was with my Bass player, and I said to her, "That's it! Kankan!"
People don't get it-- they all asked me, Do you, or don't you want us to look past your externals? Fair question. I think I liked this name so much because it has implications of looking past externals, but in some way, what you see is what you get.
I think that I developed a lot of my ideas in college and since then about looking at medium and externals to understand things about the world. A composer might want to express elation, but he needs to work in the right modulation and chord progression with voice leading etc. Technique in writing poetry either inhibits expression or allows for communication. I think I had the sense before that one's thoughts were all she needed. But the kankan is the way we get through life in this world.
Similarly, Chasidic masters have described a person as inherently a soul, and the body as a vessel that merely contains the true self. But psychology today has shown us that so much of our minds (perhaps discussion of the soul should be saved for another time) is manipulated and arranged by chemical reactions in the brain. additionally, our whole lives, we're constantly being affected by how people react to us, which is largely a response to our physical appearance. Studies show that babies who smile more are paid more attention by adults, and then that will affect them forever. Al tistakel bikankan? Ha! Whether we like it or not, we are the Kankan.
But I'm still convinced that I have some inherent thought or feelings that make me acceptable-- even without the fancy externals. It's been ingrained it me. Any thoughts? Please! Feel free to share your thoughts on this matter, or anything else.